The Advice given by My Father That Saved Me during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was just just surviving for a year."

Ex- reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality soon became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You are not in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on mums and about post-natal depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a wider inability to talk among men, who often internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It is not a display of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - particularly in preference to a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - spending a short trip away, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of looking after a newborn.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their relationship.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the anguish.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their stories, the challenges, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead provide the security and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they confronted their issues, transformed how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."